When love feels certain and the future looks promising, it’s easy to focus on the joy of saying “yes” and overlook the deeper conversations that shape a lifelong marriage. Before walking down the aisle, taking time to ask the right questions can help ensure your marriage begins with intention, honesty, and a shared faith-filled foundation.
A good marriage is built from hard work, unwavering trust and commitment, deep love, and great respect. A husband and wife who successfully withstand the test of time are the ones who have established their marital foundation on their relationship with the Lord and His guidance in their lives.
We know that this is perhaps the biggest commitment we’ll ever enter into, yet without prior experience it can be hard to know which questions to ask or what topics to educate ourselves on. So how can we better prepare our hearts and minds to eliminate some of the uncertainty before uniting as one?
Below are some questions based on Scripture designed to give you assurance in your alignment and decisions as you prepare for your life as husband and wife.
1. How Will We Prioritize Faith in Our Daily Lives?
But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. Matthew 6:33
There will be countless decisions you will face daily in your marriage, both microscopic (who will empty the bathroom trashcan) and ginormous (whether to relocate for work).
This verse reminds us when we consider the kingdom of God first in every decision, the Lord will give us what we need to get through life’s challenges. This is how we prioritize our faith in our marriages—not by compartmentalizing our faith, but by integrating it into everything we do as husband and wife.
Before your wedding, discussing how you’ll worship together, pray together, and grow spiritually as a married couple is essential.
2. How Do We Handle Disagreements in a God-honoring Way?
Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil. Ephesians 4:26–27
God gives us a roadmap to work through disagreements: address it quickly, do not allow emotions to fester, and do not weaponize your anger. Conflict resolution is not optional. You must resolve discord in your marriage and the Bible guides us in doing so.
Understanding how both you and your future husband handle conflict and talking through how you’ll navigate disagreements without the presence of frustration, hurt, and misunderstanding is crucial for a healthy, lasting marriage.
3. What Are Our Views on Discipline, Education, and Raising Children in Our Faith?
And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. Deuteronomy 6:6–7
This verse shows us that we should pass down our faith to the next generation through our everyday lives. Your day-to-day moments should be infused with your faith. All of your decisions and actions should be driven by your desire to obey God, and thus, your children should not only see this, but experience it and be the beneficiaries of it.
Spiritual formation for your family should not be outsourced to your church—the church should be playing a supporting role to the biblical rhythms in your home. Before your wedding, you and your fiancé should discuss your vision for parenting and family life to ensure you are aligned.
4. What Are Our Expectations for Physical and Emotional Intimacy?
The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband…. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time. 1 Corinthians 7:3, 5
God’s design for marriage is mutual giving, not taking. This verse highlights the necessity for communication about both your needs and expectations so your intimacy is mutually satisfying.
The Lord longs for the intimacy in your marriage to flourish, and He has given us words of encouragement for that. This is one of the more vulnerable questions to ask and discuss before marriage, but addressing it openly will strengthen your relationship as husband and wife.
5. How Will We Manage Money, Debt, and Financial Goals?
For which of you, desiring to build a tower, does not first sit down and count the cost, whether he has enough to complete it? Luke 14:28
While Jesus spoke these words in context of the cost of discipleship, the wisdom of counting the cost applies to other areas of life as well. From the very beginning of relationships, couples are called to approach their future with intentionality and foresight. Many of Jesus’ parables emphasize the importance of stewardship, reminding us that wise planning honors God.
You need to know each other’s financial goals and habits to help build a solid foundation for your married life. Before the wedding, discuss how you’ll budget, save, handle debt, and make major financial decisions as husband and wife.
6. How Do We Take Responsibility for Our Mistakes and Show Genuine Repentance?
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 1 John 1:9
No one wants to be in a relationship where the other person is never wrong and won’t admit when they could have showed up better. We are all human and we will all fall short of the ideal sometimes. God models for us that confession leads to restoration and forgiveness.
A spouse who can acknowledge when they are wrong, genuinely repent, and seek to change reflects Christ’s character and creates safety in the relationship. This character quality within yourself, and in your future husband, will shape your entire married life together.
A man and a woman coming together to live their lives as joint ambassadors for the Lord is a beautiful gift. Beginning your marriage with a foundation of security and a clear direction ahead—achieved by asking the right questions before marriage—will set you up for many wonderful years together.
Do not rush past these important conversations in the excitement of planning your wedding. Take the time now to discuss these topics to help you build a marriage that honors God and brings joy to both of you as husband and wife for decades to come.
