If I’m being honest, the word “submission” always makes me cringe.
Whenever I see a social media post or article about submission, I brace myself for a narrow-minded, judgmental rant on how Christian women should be “quiet” and “gentle,” deferring to their husbands for everything.
Whether deserved or not, I automatically assume it’ll quote the same two or three predictable Bible verses (taken quite out of context), firmly putting women “in their place,” while ignoring the rest of the Bible completely.
If you can relate, let me assure you, this is not one of those articles.
What the World Gets Wrong About Submission
Yes, I believe wives should submit to their husbands. It is biblical (Colossians 3:18). But not in the way many misunderstand this command.
Somewhere along the way, intentionally or unintentionally (probably some of both), the biblical meaning of submission got twisted. Verses pulled out of context. Teachings misunderstood and passed down incorrectly.
In Christian culture, it’s not uncommon to see wives shrink back and concede to their husbands rather than step forward with a bold faith and confidence of their own. She may:
- Allow her God-given calling to take a back seat to instead devote all of her time to marriage and motherhood.
- Defer to her husband on all financial decisions, even if she earns more or is more financially responsible.
- Second-guess her parenting instincts and wait to act, even though she’s the one managing the home daily.
- Request permission for things a grown adult shouldn’t need consent for, such as lunch with a friend, a purchase within their budget, or how she spends her afternoon.
While God’s original command for submission is good, the concept can become weaponized to silence women, downplay God-given gifts and abilities, and make women feel “less than.”
It’s often used to keep women in their place, excuse controlling or selfish behavior, enable abuse, and withhold positions of influence and authority from well-deserving women.
Women have learned to stay seated and refrain from behavior that could make waves.
Over time, we’ve lost our sense of self and misinterpreted submission as an order that translates into: comply with whatever our husband wants. After all, he’ll just veto my vote if he disagrees. Why bother?
But submission that silences women is a version created by the world, not God.
What is Submission in the Bible?
Biblical submission is the voluntary, courageous choice to place yourself under God-ordained authority, not out of weakness or inferiority, but out of trust in God’s design and control.
In the New Testament, the Greek word most often translated as “submit” is hupotasso. The military term means to arrange or place under in an orderly way. Again, the word implies a voluntary choice, not a forced one.
And it’s incredibly important to note that this biblical command doesn’t just apply to wives.
God’s Word teaches that all Christians must submit to God, their parents, civil and religious authorities, and each other.
Bible Verses About Submission to God
All Christians, regardless of gender, are called to submit to God.
We see these in verses such as:
- James 4:7: “Submit yourselves therefore to God …”
- Romans 12:1: “… present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship.”
- Deuteronomy 27:10: “You shall therefore obey the voice of the Lord your God, keeping his commandments and his statutes, which I command you today.”
While these verses don’t all contain the word “submission,” they paint a clear picture: God is Lord over all. We are to submit to, follow, and obey Him in all things.
Bible Verses About Submission to Authorities
In addition to submitting to the Lord, we are also expected to submit to the earthly authorities God has placed over us. We see this in verses such as:
- Romans 13:1: “Let every person be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and those that exist have been instituted by God.”
- Hebrews 13:17: “Obey your leaders and submit to them, for they are keeping watch over your souls …”
- 1 Peter 2:18: “Servants, be subject to your masters with all respect, not only to the good and gentle but also to the unjust.”
We will cover the exceptions to earthly submission later in this article, but in most cases, our default posture should be respect and submission.
Bible Verses About Submission to Parents
Scripture contains numerous passages that highlight obeying (or submitting to the authority of) parents. For example:
- Colossians 3:20: “Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.”
- Exodus 20:12: “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you.”
- Proverbs 1:8: “Hear, my son, your father’s instruction, and forsake not your mother’s teaching.”
God knows parents aren’t perfect. We all make mistakes. Yet the expectation to honor and submit to them still stands. Again, we’ll review exceptions in a bit.
Bible Verses About Submission to Others
In addition to submitting to God, civil authorities, and parents, the Bible calls all Christians to submit to one another—regardless of gender.
In Ephesians 5, immediately before the apostle Paul tells wives to submit to their husbands, he instructs all Christians to “be imitators of God,” (v. 1), to “walk in love,” (v. 2), to “look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise,” (v. 15) and to “understand what the will of the Lord is,” (v. 17).
In this context, Paul continues in verse 21: “submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.”
Paul’s exhortation to submit isn’t a punishment. He isn’t devaluing, demoting, or putting anyone in their place. Rather, all of us are called to submit to each other with humility and respect because it is how we follow Christ’s example, avoid sin, and lead a godly life.
This theme of mutual care, respect, and honor is repeated throughout the Bible in verses such as:
- Romans 12:10: “Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.”
- Philippians 2:3: “Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.”
- 1 John 3:16: “By this we know love, that he laid down his life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers.”
This is the beautiful standard we are all called to as Christians.
Bible Verses About Wives Submitting to Husbands
Now that we have a better understanding of the Bible’s teachings on submission and mutual respect, let’s re-examine the Bible verses on wives submitting to their husbands with this context in mind.
Here’s what Scripture actually says:
- 1 Corinthians 11:3: “But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God.”
- Colossians 3:18–19: “Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.”
- 1 Peter 3:1: “Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives.”
- Titus 2:4–5: “… train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.”
Yes, God has established some sort of marital hierarchy, as we can see in 1 Corinthians 11:3. However, when we read these verses within the context of the rest of the Bible, a very different picture emerges than the one that uses a filtered lens. One that cherry-picks intent and misses the whole point.
Submission is a voluntary posture of order and respect to God-given authority.
It does not rob women of their voice, their ability to hear directly from God, or their ability to hold positions of leadership or authority. It is not meant to be forced as a punishment, a demotion to a lower status, or an excuse to silence, minimize, or control women.
Bible Verses that Show Jesus’ Voluntary Submission
During His time on Earth, Jesus submitted to His parents, to God, and to the civil and religious authorities. We see this in verses such as:
- Luke 2:51: “And he went down with them and came to Nazareth and was submissive to them …”
- John 6:38: “For I have come down from heaven, not to do my own will but the will of him who sent me.”
- Philippians 2:8: “… he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.”
- Matthew 22:21: “… Then he said to them, ‘Therefore render to Caesar the things that are Caesar’s, and to God the things that are God’s.’”
- Matthew 17:27: “However, not to give offense to [the religious tax collectors], go to the sea and cast a hook and take the first fish that comes up, and when you open its mouth, you will find a shekel.”
When Jesus chose to submit to authority, it didn’t make him passive, weak, or “less than.” He didn’t give up his voice, become a people pleaser, or compromise his convictions.
Rather, He chose to set His preferences aside and submit to others to maintain peaceful order and fulfill the Lord’s greater purpose.
That’s the kind of submission God calls each of us to.
What Does Biblical Submission Look Like in Real Life?
In an ideal world, when both husband and wife love and seek the Lord, submission should be a beautiful picture of trust, respect, and care.
He listens and values her thoughts and opinions. She follows his lead, knowing his decisions align with God’s will and are in her best interest. They respect, admire, and cherish each other.
When he makes poor choices, she has the freedom and responsibility to speak into his life, and she expects and welcomes him to do the same for her.
Even when they disagree, there’s no need to argue. They go to the Lord in prayer, confident they’ll reach a conclusion they can both agree to. They’re on the same team, headed the same direction, chasing whatever God wants.
Now, we’re only human. No husband leads perfectly 100 percent of the time, and no wife submits perfectly either. But when both love the Lord, they offer grace, discuss differences, and give the Holy Spirit room to work. They grow in love for the Lord and each other.
When Your Husband Doesn’t Love the Lord
But what happens when your husband doesn’t love the Lord?
You can’t pray together over a decision if he won’t pray. You can’t trust that his leadership is aligned with God’s will if he isn’t seeking it. And you can’t manufacture the kind of unity described above on your own.
This is genuinely hard. It takes courage and faith. But all hope isn’t lost.
As we mentioned earlier, the Bible addresses this exact scenario in 1 Peter 3:1: “Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives.”
Godly submission isn’t about trusting your husband to never mess up. It’s about trusting God to come through.
This means doing the right thing even when it’s hard. Honoring God and your husband even when he doesn’t extend that same honor to you. Leaving room for him to make mistakes and learn, trusting that God will work through his imperfect actions.
Romans 8:28 reminds us, “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” This includes biblical submission.
When you step back in faith, trusting God to come through as only He can, He can write a story better than we could ever ask or imagine. But it starts with the courage to trust God’s plan and the prayer and faith to see it through, even when it’s hard.
Biblical Grounds for Not Submitting
It is important to note, however, that while the Bible does say we should submit one to another, there are very valid and biblical reasons why we would not submit.
For example, the Bible makes it clear that God is the ultimate authority and we must obey Him above all else (Exodus 20:3, Deuteronomy 6:5, Matthew 10:37). When asked to choose between submitting to God and man, obeying God’s commands is always the right choice.
In fact, the Bible contains multiple examples where God’s people (including Jesus) do not obey earthly authority, choosing to obey God’s authority instead.
- In Exodus 1, Hebrew midwives Shiphrah and Puah defied Pharaoh’s order to kill the baby boys.
- In Daniel 6, Daniel continues praying to God despite the king’s decree.
- In Joshua 2, Rahab betrayed her own city to protect the Israelite spies.
- In Mark 3:1-6, Jesus heals a withered man’s hand, breaking the Pharisees’ rule against working on the Sabbath.
- In Acts 5:17-42, the apostles escape from prison and then boldly continue preaching publicly despite death threats from religious leaders.
Additionally, Jesus speaks multiple times and at length about not following the Pharisees’ man-made rules, which completely miss the point of God’s law. We see this in passages such as Matthew 23, Mark 7:1-13, Luke 11:37-52, and John 5:1-18.
Submission does not mean blindly obeying our husbands no matter what. We are never expected to submit to rules or expectations that violate what God Himself has commanded us.
Furthermore, submission between husbands and wives should never be one-sided.
While the Bible recognizes that there will be times when we must submit to an ungodly authority (1 Peter 2:18, 1 Peter 3:1-2) and there are times when we need to wait patiently for the Lord to work on our husbands’ hearts, the Bible never condones abuse or gross displays of power. If you are in an unsafe situation, please seek help immediately.
Choosing to Submit to God’s Plan
“If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all” (Romans 12:18).
As a wife, you cannot control what your husband does. He is a grown man with free will, and he has the right and ability to make his own choices (and live with the consequences).
But you can choose how you will respond.
You can choose to follow God no matter what. You can choose to live God’s way even when it isn’t easy, convenient, or fun. You can choose peace, humility, and courage—trusting that God will bless your efforts in His timing as you trust in Him.
Additional Resources for a Godly Marriage
It is far easier to submit to your husband when you have a healthy, happy marriage. While you cannot control your husband’s choices, you can take responsibility for your own. These additional resources will help you flourish in your role as a godly wife, without falling for the many misconceptions our culture promotes.
- The Proverbs 31 Woman (And Why She’s Not the Goal)
- What Does it Mean to Be a Virtuous Woman?
- 5 Daily Prayers for Your Husband
Unsinkable Faith
Unsinkable Faith is a breath of fresh air for anyone longing for a heart full of joy, an unbreakable smile, and a new, more optimistic perspective on life.
Your God Knows
Your God Knows by Lisa Whittle is a powerful six-session Bible study on the book of Nahum that reminds us that God is ever-present, always working, and forever faithful, no matter how weary or abandoned we may feel. The sovereign God understands our pain—and will one day make all things new.
